


Safe

by BornDead



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gentle Kissing, I saw a picture Scout drew of them kissing and lost my gd mind, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, so here comes the
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornDead/pseuds/BornDead
Summary: Axel and a newly sober Roxas meet up again for the first time.(Random scene in death-scout's MobAU)
Relationships: Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [death-scout](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=death-scout).
  * Inspired by [Safe](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/651271) by Scout. 



> My interpretation of a drawing of death-scout's on tumblr from his Mob!AU.
> 
> I have absolutely no idea if any of this makes sense, I just had a lot of emotions last night.

**Safe**

**  
**It’s been a while since the immensely terrifying concept of _choice_ has been a relevant concern in Roxas’s mind. For the last month, life has been the same four white walls, the same daily routine, the same body aches, the same hollow faces. The highly structured format of his days has gone on so long now that the idea that he can just _choose where to_ _go_ now kinda terrifies him. 

Yeah, sure, he can leave, but _then what?_

When he steps outside the air is cold enough to sting despite the cloudless blue sky. Skeletal branches sway against the bright backdrop, orange leaves spiraling down to carpet the dying grass. 

Roxas shoves his hands into his pockets and looks around. Axel should be here any minute now. He promised Roxas that he’d be there the second Roxas got out. 

Roxas wanders down the sidewalk, taking in the happily carved faces of jack-o-lanterns and the cottony spiderwebs adorning the bushes lining the facility. He hasn’t really thought about it until just this moment, but it’s probably close to Halloween. That would make sense.

God, just yesterday it had been the summer…

He tries to quell the panic threatening to claw itself up his throat. With no string to moor him, he is a kite released into a vast sky. Since when has the world been so _big?_ Has it always been this overwhelming? This limitless? The lack of boundaries unnerves him. 

Roxas is going to fuck this up, he just knows it. He tugs his cap down further over his ears to hide them from the chilly breeze, and his fingers shake. When his eyes catch yellow ink, he frowns at the permanent smiling face on his tattooed finger. The expression mocks him.

“Hey,” he finally hears from behind him. 

Roxas knows the voice before he turns. It’s as familiar to him as his own at this point. The low rumble gives him butterflies. 

“Hey, Ax,” Roxas says. He turns to face him, waiting for the last possible moment to look up and fully take him in. If he looks too quickly, Roxas is sure the sight of the man is going to knock the breath out of him. 

Axel’s face is flushed and he’s panting, like he just ran here. Roxas takes in the redness of his friend's hair, the brightness of his green eyes. A wave of panic and comfort wash over him. All of a sudden, he’s sixteen again.

Axel’s hair is so red. God, did colors always _look_ _like_ _this?_ So bright? The saturation hurts Roxas’s eyes. Everything is just so very, very… much. _Axel_ is so… much. 

They stare at each other, both not quite sure what to say. Axel marvels at the new fullness of Roxas’s cheeks, the way the healthy color of his skin has returned. The golden hair Axel so adores has grown out into a shaggy mullet, and he desperately wants to reach out to touch the curls at the smaller man’s collar. Roxas’s dark circles are still there under his eyes, of course, but Roxas isn’t very good at sleeping and Axel knows that. 

“Want to get out of here?” the taller one asks. 

Roxas sighs and takes a long look back at the doors he had just come from. He could go back inside, _maybe._ Beg to be locked away. It’s not a real option though since he’s got no way to pay for it. He’s not sure how the hell he even got in there in the first place. 

Roxas feels himself spinning, floating, and he’s afraid he’s going to just disappear any second now. What is he supposed to _do?_

Is any of this for real, or not?

The redhead clears his throat, capturing Roxas’s attention. Axel juts his head to the side and indicates for Roxas to follow him.

###

They walk in companionable silence toward the nearby park, leaves crunching underfoot. The reflection of the sunlight skipping across the lake water is blinding. Roxas bends to snatch up a fallen branch by the rocky shore and gives it a good toss into the lake. It lands with a quiet splash, sending rippling waves out. Their breath fogs in white clouds in the dry air. 

“So…” Axel tries again. It’s been a while since they’ve been able to have more than just a brief check-in, and even longer since they’ve actually been alone together in person. Axel’s throat is tight with the effort of reining in all the emotions threatening to betray him. 

It’s just that this day has been coming for so _long._ The fact that Roxas is here, beside him, leaves Axel in wonder. He’s just so glad to see the way Roxas has gained back a little weight, the way he stands just a little bit taller, and the way his eyes are now a sharp, clear blue. 

“Got a smoke?” Roxas asks, crouching down to inspect the shore of the lake. 

Axel raises his eyebrow. “Is that, uh, a good idea?”

Roxas shoots him a dark look and holds out a hand expectantly. 

Axel fumbles for his pack, pulls out a cigarette, and hands it over. Roxas stands and stretches before he places the filter in his mouth. Roxas doesn’t even have to ask for the light. Axel bends forward reflexively, cupping hands around the cigarette to protect it from the autumn wind. Axel flicks open his lighter— well, he guesses it’s _technically_ Roxas’ lighter— and Roxas takes a deep drag as the tip crackles in the flame between them. 

“Thanks,” Roxas says, smoke trailing out from his mouth. Their eyes meet for a moment too long, and Axel pivots away. 

“No problem,” Axel assures him. He clears his throat again. “So, how are you feeling?” 

Axel can see Roxas visibly tense at the question. This isn’t part of the deal between them. The question is too intimate, has too many implications, but Axel _has_ to ask. He needs to know Roxas is okay, that he’s not in danger, at least for now. 

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Roxas says, staring out across the water. The smell of tobacco and smoke warm the chilly air. 

Roxas holds out his hand without looking at the taller man, silently passing the cigarette over to him. Their fingertips brush lightly, sending an electrifying chill down their spines. This is how they share kisses now, over the inhale and exhale of poison, pressing lips to cigarettes and pretending they were the others’ mouth instead. 

They really let this whole situation get complicated, huh?

“I’m glad to see you,” Axel says, exhaling through the words. “I, uh… missed having you around.”

Roxas feels his face heat, but he shakes the blush away. “Yeah, same.” His heart beats furiously. 

“It’s been weird not seeing you,” Axel continues cautiously. He wants to get over this awkwardness and go back to the way things were before, but it probably isn’t an option. 

This isn’t the same Roxas that Axel knew before, this Roxas is stronger, sharper, braver. 

“Yeah,” Roxas agrees. Axel passes the cigarette back to Roxas, and he notices a deep frown on his friend’s face. 

“What’s up?” Axel murmurs. 

Roxas opens his mouth to say something but stops himself short. He takes another drag, holding the burning smoke in his lungs for as long as he can, and exhales out an exaggerated sigh. 

Axel tsks and crosses his arms, frustrated. “Can you fucking say _something_?” 

Axel knows he needs to chill out, but this weird vibe is too much to handle. Axel wants to scream or punch at something and it is only the years of careful self-restraint and discipline that hold him steady. 

“What do you want me to _say?”_ Roxas hisses. 

“ _Something!_ Anything. What’s going on in that damn head of yours?”

Roxas pauses, considers the fear disguised as anger coiling inside. 

This is a huge mistake. There is _no way_ Roxas is going to be able to be out here in this huge world alone. There is absolutely _no way_ he can trust himself not to make another bad decision. He needs to go back to the treatment center. He needs to run back there as fast as possible. 

“I’m fucking scared, man,” the blond finally admits. 

Axel balks. This wasn’t the response he had anticipated. He’s known his friend long enough to expect Roxas’s hot-headedness, his wild streak, and even morbid sense of humor. Roxas is what comes most to mind when Axel imagines words like fearless, intrepid, or brave. The idea that Roxas is scared _sucks_.

Roxas lets the words come out in a rush then,“They preach all this ‘give yourself to a higher power’ bullshit— ‘confess your sins and give it all to god’ or something. You know I don’t believe in any of that shit.” Roxas emphasizes the last word, letting syllables elongate and snap in his voice. “It’s safer to have some sort of…” he waves the hand with the cigarette lamely in the air, “foundation of faith. Or something.”

Axel considers the dilemma. He watches the way Roxas’s body seems to vibrate. Roxas’s fingers shake as he raises them to his mouth, and Axel realizes that the skin is nearly blue. 

“Problem is I don’t believe in anything. I don’t have faith in anything,” Roxas finishes taking one last inhale of smoke. 

“Hey, you’re shaking,” Axel points out needlessly. 

Roxas turns his back to Axel. He tosses the spent smoke on the ground, snuffs it out with his heel. “It’s cold,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around his waist to try to keep the warm buzz of nicotine from vanishing in the bitter morning air. 

Axel watches the way Roxas’s thin shoulders shiver, the way he’s curling into himself. Holding his breath, Axel steps forward and wraps long arms around his friend, encircling him gently. 

Roxas freezes as the contact, not sure how to respond. 

“I run hot,” Axel says as a means of explanation. He nestles his chin on top of Roxas’ messy hair and hopes that Roxas doesn’t notice that Axel is shaking too, if not for the same reason. 

Roxas feels his ears burn. He relaxes into the arms he’d been thinking about each and every day and the sense of comfort chokes him. 

He needed something to hold onto when the withdrawal had gotten bad. Needed something else to think about instead of the twisting sharp pain all over his body. Even when Roxas was in so much pain that he couldn’t speak, he still could remember Axel’s face. He held onto the image of the man like a saint must hold a cross. To feel the warmth of Axel wrapping around him breaks his heart.

“You’re safe now, that’s all that matters,” Axel whispers, green eyes cast over Roxas’s head to watch the way the lake sparkles. 

“How do you know?” Roxas asserts glumly. 

Axel pauses, squeezes Roxas tighter. “I’ll keep you safe.”

Roxas shifts in the arms to face Axel. He steps back a bit to take in the full weight of the taller man’s eyes for the first time sober. Axel rubs hands up and down Roxas’ thin arms, warming them, and unable to let him go. 

Everything is just so big and wide and scary. But here, anchored to Axel, Roxas thinks he can maybe see a way through the abyss. Roxas steps into Axel, cold hands hesitantly rising to brush away a rogue tear that has managed to escape Axel’s eye. 

In a world full of choices, Roxas realizes he only really wants to do one thing.

Like a key twisting in a lock, the pieces finally fall into place. They share a look, both shaking, before Roxas stands up on his toes to pull Axel’s face to meet his own. The collision of their kiss sends blood rushing to their heads, and the pounding of their hearts is the only thing they can hear. Roxas holds Axel’s face delicately, fingers twisting around his wild hair. 

Axel sighs into the kiss and his hands rub up and down Roxas’ back, trying to keep him warm.

When they finally separate for air, Roxas chuckles. “I was wondering what that felt like.” 

He presses his forehead to Axel’s chest and marvels at the way their bodies seem to fit so perfectly. 

“Uhm, you _do_ remember we’ve…” he lets the word drop off. “Before, right? Back when—”

Roxas swats at the man’s chest before curling cold fingers into the grey sweatshirt in front of him. He inhales the scent of cigarettes and burning wood. Since when did Axel start smelling like home?

“Not like this,” Roxas says softly. 

Axel feels a sun burning in his chest. He crushes Roxas against him again, unable to stand even the small distance between them now. His heart thunders painfully, broken pieces slotting together finally. 

“Yeah, not like this,” Axel concedes. 

  
  
  
  


**Drawing is "Safe" by Death-Scout from their MobAU! Find him on tumblr with that same name!**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this makes absolutely no sense out of context. /shrug


End file.
